So today I have another girlfriend complain about the 'lousy' guy she dated who disappeared after he slept with her. This hasn't been the first and I doubt it will be the last. And she tells me that with the exception of one of two guys (who are in relationships) all her other single guy friends are like that. As in, sleep with women then disappear, don't call, not honest, or say anything to get women in bed then disappear, bla bla.. basically douchebags. And when I ask her why doesn't she make friends with guys who aren't d-bags, her reply is that, "Aw these guys are ok, I mean, they're ok to me!" And at this, I shake my head...
Before we go on, let me make it clear that I have no problem with having sex. I have no problem with men and women hooking up, sleeping around, having fun, whatever. However, I do however have a problem with douchebags.
Now I know, live and let live and I agree with that. But I refuse to have a d-bag as a friend. Even if he is a stellar guy, super fun and all of that, but not respecting women is a deal breaker for me.
For the past 6 years I have made choosing friends a very conscious choice and my life has been so much better because of that. I have a few deal breakers and I am very specific.
Some of my deal breakers are, I will not be friends with people who:
- Do not respect women, men, animals, plants (you don't have to be a hippie, but if you think it is ok to cheat, lie, beat etc etc people, if you think that animals and plants do not deserve respect and care - then you and I will not get along)
- Deliberately bring me down to make themselves feel better, who are constantly negative, or who are 'frenemies'.
- Do not think that growing and learning are constant and that taking responsibility for themselves is normal (again, no one is perfect, but I like people who at least have an idea of this concept and are trying to work towards it)
- Do not have passions and goals (They don't need to be big money related goals, but I love passionate people and I love people who contribute to the world however small)
I truly believe that you are the sum of your closest friends and if your close friends are not people you respect, then what does that say about you?
The list above applies to people who are close to me. People I'd call friends. People I want to hang out with. People I'd be proud to introduce to other people. Not people who you bump into at a party, or at work, or people who do not make an impact into your life.
So now, back to the point above. Ladies, if you want to attract a stellar man into your life, then stop being friends with douchebags! Stop giving the universe mixed signals. Stop thinking that just because these men do not play around with your feelings it's ok to be friends with them, because they are out there doing it to other women, and you are telling the universe, that you are ok with this behaviour. So the universe sends you the same kind of men over and over.
Far be it for me to offer love advice, but as far as I know from personal experience, excluding d-bags from my life has only let good things in. And of course, there are reformed d-bags and I have some friends now who used to be d-bags prior (I didn't know them then) and good for them! But if they are currently in that d-bag stage of their lives, then walk away. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and most of them are good people. You will find other friends. Trust!
Do you agree with me? Leave me a comment!
Happy Easter weekend! :D