I've been busy moving houses, and though I've been comfortably moved in for about a month now, I only just got my internet connection working.

Your might be wondering why so long? (Or not. I'm going to tell you anyway!)

Well actually I'm not going to go into the boring specifics of it. I'm just going to summarize it as being my beloved boyfriend's fault.

I love him to death, but if the average human being really does use only 10% of their brains, then my darling uses 9% for his music and spreads the other 1% really thin for the boring logistics of daily living.

I won't deny that it can at times be extremely frustrating, but over the course of our relationship I've realized that the things I love most about him aren't just the 'good' things, but also the little random eccentricities and quirks that he has both as my partner and a person.

This got me thinking about how we love in a relationship.

Too often I hear my friends complaining about the things their partner have done/did not do/keeps on doing/will never do, and while I am of course not exempt from this, I do wonder: At what point should we stop complaining and start accepting, or realize it's time to walk away.

Here are a few ways I choose to love.

1. If you love someone, love them at their worst

I don't know if this applies for anyone else. I might be a bit of a weirdo, but I find that the more I adore someone, the more I like their funny bits. Like the soft downy hairs on the small of their back, or that soft little mound of belly fat that seems eternally resistant to the gym– all of the things I would probably have found unattractive had I not known them.

(This of course applies to more than just the physical. I use hairy bits and chubby parts as an example so as to spare you the emotional nitty gritty of all my failed relationships bar the one that seems to be working out just fine)

Everyone has their own demons, their little insecurities and highly annoying habits/ personality traits, and not so attractive bits so if the people who say they love us won't love us just the way we are, then who will?

On that same note..

2. Loving without Fixer-Upping

A lot of people have this idea of what their ideal partners are like, for instance: Soft-spoken, nurturing, considerate, gentle, etc. etc.

They start relationships with their objective judgement clouded by the veil of infatuation, and then realize after a couple of months that instead they've landed themselves with a loud-mouthed, sharp-witted, outgoing wild child who they love, but does not fit in with the aforementioned ideal.

And that's when the fixer-upping starts. Don't talk like that. Don't dress like that. Don't be friends with them. Don't do this. Don't do that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for healthy, constructive criticism and bettering myself within the paradigm of a loving relationship, but I think that we should all be wary of the true motivation for this demand for change (And when I say 'we' it means both the person who wants change in their partner and the person who has to keep up with the demands)

The best way to determine whether you've landed yourself in a fixer-upper relationship, is to ask yourself. Would your momma ever tell you not to (insert fixer-upper request)? Would you ever tell your friend to change (insert request)?

If not, then maybe this person that you are with isn't the one for you. Stop trying to mold that beautiful soul into your ideal, just let them go.

3. If you love someone, love yourself more

No good can come out of a relationship that is birthed from the seeds of loneliness and need. A relationship should be a union between two people to respect, cherish and enjoy each other as individuals. Too often though a relationship ends up becoming a co-dependency, a possession of an individual, and a breeding ground for insecurities.

I've heard people declare their complete and utter devotion, their love without reservations, and perhaps life has had me rearrange my girlish notions of romance a few times over, but I disagree with that.

Love is not meant to hurt, punish, shame or belittle. Yet far too many women are willing to overlook that because of love. No, rather we should declare more often that we love ourselves with complete and utter devotion. I believe that when we love ourselves enough to know when to turn and walk away, is when we are truly ready to love someone else without reservations.

I leave you with this beautiful song by my main man Gil Scott-Heron.

Afternoon Tea OMNOMNOMNOM!

I write this as I sit in a delightful tea shop in London eating scones and drinking tea. It's been a little over 2 years since I started this blog, 1 year, 7 months since I left Malaysia and 1 year and 5 months since I started living in Spain.

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be an actress and a television presenter and for 12 years I made that a reality. It wasn't always easy but for 5 out of those 12 years I was living professionally as an actress and TV presenter in Malaysia. Then my dream changed. I wanted to direct, to produce and to make films (or rather video). I was fascinated with the internet and wanted to produce videos for the online world. So for the next 2 years I worked for Mindvalley, an online publishing company making videos for the online market. And then I wanted to leave Malaysia, to live and work in a different country. Many different countries if possible, and here I am sitting in a tea shop in London, living in Barcelona, Spain.

Why am I telling you this?

When I started this blog I wanted to share knowledge on how to live a life worth living. I wanted to find other people who were living passionate, purposeful lives and share their stories so that you could do the same. I wanted you to know that it won't be easy and there would be a lot of challenges but the difference between people who do and don't is that people who do, get up and back in the game whenever they fall.

So I was sitting in a tea shop, right!

Another tea shop. I really like scones!Last year I was so caught up with adjusting to a whole new life and culture that I hardly had any time to dream up a new life vision. And sitting here in this charming shop made me realise how much I love this life I have now.

Reading lifestyle design blogs out in the interwebs you'd think that the only life worth having is one where you quit your job, travel to a third world country and blog. 

But that, I'm sure you know is not true. I have met many passionate people who are doing all sorts and living the life of their dreams. Some work for others, and some work for themselves. One is neither better than the other. 

I for one love the hustle and bustle of a big city. I can live on a beach for a few months but that isn't for me. I love working. Yeap you heard right, it would kill me to work only 4 hours a week - of course for me work is doing what I love, so it doesn't feel like work! I love good food and good wine and pretty things. I am not a card carrying backpacker and I must have a functioning, clean toilet. To some that might make me a 'prissy' thing, but honestly I don't care. This is my life worth living. 

Do not be influenced

I guess what I am trying to say is, dream of your life worth living. Don't be shy about it. Just because the trend now is to quit your job and work on a beach, if that doesn't make you passionate go find something that does!

So now, think of your life. Where do you want to be? How is your ideal life? What excuses are you making that stop you from living it? What can you do about this? What kind of people do you want to have in your life? 

Ok, now to the hard part:

What are you doing to get closer to your ideal life?

It's easy to dream, but now it's time to get the courage to live your life. You only live once, you only walk down this road once.. make it count!

xoxo

aolcdn.com

This article comes about after over a week of non-stop work and lack of sleep (which also explains the lack of posts). Up until a day ago I was grumpy-Hani, who usually only appears at that certain time of the month but was making a stunning comeback for the past 10 days. Grumpy-Hani is usually accompanied by her faithful companion, Woe-is-me. Now let me tell you, neither of these two are any fun at all. 

And then last night I had the most glorious sleep. The kind that you go deep, you don't wake up in the middle of the night, you don't toss and turn (or you don't remember) and you wake up and your spirit just soars! Singing at the wonderfulness that is morning!

I kid you not. It was that kind of sleep. Of course the rest of my day went by like a song. In my Spanish class I felt awake, positive and alert. I remember thinking to myself, "something is missing" and realising that it's the feeling of sleepiness, sluggishness and general "UGH".

Now I consider myself pretty lucky in the sleep department (for the past 5 years at least). As soon as my head hits the pillow I'm out, but lately my sleep has been disturbed. Be it work, wine drinking, too much yerba mate, who knows? I haven't experimented enough (Ok, I kinda have but that's for another post) to know. And up until yesterday, I never thought to take my sleep seriously.

I mean, what's there to know? Get on bed, sleep, then wake up! But since having my recent sleep troubles and having a day like today, sleep is on my list of priorities. I mean, if getting good sleep can make waking up such a pleasurable experience, can make my day glide by, help me lose weight, can make me more creative, raise my immune system, can make me feel more positive and good, WHO WOULDN'T MAKE SLEEP A PRIORITY??

I mean, makes sense right??

So for now, I have decided to:

1. Get between 7-8 hours of good, restful sleep a night. I find that a good 6-7 hours is just as good as 8 hours. So my goal is to get deep, restful sleep rather than just more sleep.
2. Track my sleep. I have been tracking my sleep and moods each morning for a month now. I also track what I eat, weight, body fat and what workouts I do. 
3. Get off the computer an hour before sleepy time!

For more ways to improve your sleep you can read this: 17 Ways to Improve your sleep  and if you'd like to know more of the health benefits of sleep, read: 11 Surprising Health Benefits of Sleep. 

Meanwhile, how do you sleep at night? Leave me a comment!

source: allwomenstalk

Ok, anyone who knows me will be rotfl at the title above! Because anyone who knows me also knows that I am chronically late. So why would I deem it fit to write about how to be be punctual?

Because, and please read this slowly for effect, I. Am. No. Longer. TARDY.

That's right. I kicked the habit. Gone. And I'm not trying to be funny. It's true.

So let's get some perspective here. I'm the kind of late where I'm about 15 to 20 minutes late ALL THE TIME. Sometimes even more than that!

Ok fine we get it, so how did you kick the habit?

I kicked the habit by being judgmental! That's right. You read right. A little bit of back story here. I go for Spanish classes here in Barcelona and as usual, I am always late. Sometimes even HALF AN HOUR LATE. But I never thought of that as a biggie because my rationale was, "Hey at least I'm still coming for class!"

That was well and good until one day, I joined a different group that had a girl who arrived even later than I! That means that this girl would walk into class sometimes 40 minutes late! I have to say, even though I was always late, seeing someone come so late isn't pretty. She was a hot mess! Rushing in, out of breath with a slightly flustered look that said her being late wasn't really her fault but something else. And I sat there. Judging her. Feeling superior. Until it hit me, that is me. I was a bloody hot mess.

I couldn't remember the last time I arrived somewhere not out of breath from rushing, an apology pouring out of my mouth for being late.

Yeah sure I have met other people who were later than I was, but seeing this happen consistently was different. It burned!!!

Being punctual, the steps.

So, what changed? First of all I started small.

1. I just wanted to be on time for my morning class. I didn't make big grand statements about how I would never be late again. My goal was to just be on time for my class which started at 9.30am. Once I got the swing of that and was consistently on time for 1 week, I decided to branch out to other appointments. Then;
2. I made being on time an obsession. It was all I would think about. I didn't just hope to be on time, I was a woman on a mission! I timed everything. If I wanted to be there by 9.30am, I had to leave my flat by latest 9.10am. I timed how long it would take me to walk to the metro, how long the metro ride was, how long it would take me to brisk walk to class and to relax walk to class. Yes. Seriously.
3. However long I thought it would take me to get to class, I doubled it. So in the beginning, before i timed the journey, if I thought that getting to class took 15 minutes (go figure, every tardy person has an extremely skewed sense of time) I would double that and leave home 30 minutes early. After I knew exactly how long it would take me,
4. I had a 'leave by' time. My leave by time is 9.10am. I have to get my arse out the door by that time no matter what. Even if I didn't have breakfast or wash my face or change my underwear. And if that fails,
5. Have a backup plan! Let's be real here. Shit happens. And it did one day when I slept through my alarm and woke up at 8.45am. My backup plan involves taking a cab. Which means I can leave the flat a little bit later, like at 9.20am. And also,
6. I allow myself to be 5 minutes late. SOMETIMES. And if I am anything later than that I am allowed to feel bad enough about myself so that I try harder next time.

Now I know, being late isn't always about not leaving on time. Sometimes I would wake up early and have every intention of being on time but I still end up late. Ever have that? Well, this is what I did.

Remember the part of about being OBSESSED? That is real. I made being on time for this class like it was the only thing holding the world together. Like it was the only thing keeping a zombie apocalypse from happening. Like it every time I was late, a baby died.

Some things that would help:

• I mentally planned everything the night before. I outlined what I would have for breakfast, how I would make it, what time I should start eating in order not to rush. I would plan what I wanted to wear so that I wouldn't have to try on 3 different outfits. 
• I would set my alarm 15 minutes before the time I wanted to wake up and allow myself ONE snooze. This was a hard one! I am the queen of snooze! I once snoozed for 2 hours! But remember that obsession part? That helped a lot. The snooze allowed for my body to know that it was time to get up but I didn't have to jolt myself awake. The second time my alarm came on, I would get out of bed before I could rationalize anything. Just roll out, even if you have to roll yourself off the bed, down to the floor. By the time you pick yourself up, you might as well get up! :D
• No doing last minute things. I had a few things I had to do before getting out of the house. Wash up, get dressed, eat breakfast, check bag (to see if I have everything in it) and get the heck out! Nothing else was allowed. No, let me just check my email, or let me wash the dishes, or let me water the plants. No! If I had something important that needed to be done, I'd plan it the night before and allow time for it. I have no idea why in the past, it would suddenly be so damn important for me to do that lassssttt one thing even though I knew it would make me late. It wasn't important. 

What can I say. This worked. I started being on time for class. Now I'm usually the first one there because I'm usually about 3-5 minutes EARLY! And that's a big deal for me. In fact, I haven't been late for anything in a while now. Now I wait for people, which is fun because I get to gloat and feel special. :D

My morning routine has also expanded to fit in yoga and I haven't missed yoga or been late to class. And for those of you who are late because you do 'last minute things', remember the 'leave by' rule. Always have a leave by time and when you get to that time, drop everything and get your butt out!

Ok, this has become a really long post but I want you guys to apply it to your situation and try it. And let me know if it works for you. I really want to know if this can be duplicated.

And remember, be obsessed about being on time!

tataaa!

xx

source: dogtime.com

 What defines a woman? What constitutes a woman's worth?

Is it the sum of her tangible accomplishments; education, high-flying career, and serious bankroll?

Is it her ability to 'have it all'; a family, two kids, a dog, the house with the white picket fence and a career?

Are we defined by our families, our capacity to find a suitable mate, or the choices we've made that have ultimately led us to the paths we now walk on?

I've noticed something over the course of my life.

Through the ecstatic heights and devastatings troughs of life, the issues that occupy the majority of a woman's cognitive functioning and emotional energy expenditure typically cover a few things:

(Disclaimer: This is a generalization. However, I'm sure that even if you are reading this and thinking Omg I'm so NOT like that, you are wrong and have done this to some extent at some point in your life)

1. Am I a bad mother?

I am aware that there are lots of people in the world with children who really shouldn't be parents, but there are also a lot of amazing mothers who beat themselves up trying to be the perfect parent. The whole experience of parenthood seems to be washed with the guilt of never having done enough, or right by your child.

Let it be known that I do not have children, but as someone who was raised single-handedly by a very strong-willed Asian mama, I know this:

If you do the best you can, you are a GOOD MOTHER. If you have the capacity to question your parenting, it is likely that you are a good mother. If anybody (and this includes the child you birthed) tells you otherwise they are a dick, because nobody is perfect. Even mother's are allowed to make mistakes and have bad judgement.

2. Why doesn't he love me?

I just realized as I write this that I'm actually really sick of listening to women talk about men. Thats ALL they ever talk about.

We really need to come to the point in our lives where we take a stand, and know as fact that we do NOT need a man to be whole.

I think it takes kissing a few frogs to come to the realization that it's not so bad if relationships end, or if he mysteriously turns cold after you decide to give it up on the third date. It's unpleasant, hard and can be terribly painful, but at the end of the day you have yourself and you are fabulous!

Too many women sell themselves short in order to keep a man in their lives. If you have to cry, beg, threaten, bribe, check his phone and FB messages, and leverage yourself in whatever way possible to be in his life, then he is not worth the time or effort.

I don't know why he doesn't love you, and he probably doesn't either. Just let it go. Love yourself more, put yourself first.

3. How come no one thinks I'm hot?

I have a girlfriend who once told me that she has a shitty night if she goes out to a club and no man checks her out. It makes her wonder what's wrong with her. It makes her feel unattractive and invisible. It both frustrates me, and makes me sad.

Women seem to be tweezing, bleaching, starving, carving and stuffing themselves into a carbon copy of what they think men like to look at. Sure a lot of women do it for self-satisfaction, but I'm pretty sure a lot of women wouldn't be shoving DD bags of silicone under their slit open pectoral muscles should men the world over suddenly declare their undying love for small titties.

Writing this doesn't make me exempt from this behaviour, I like to feel attractive to the opposite sex too. But there must be a line we draw at allowing our self-esteem and self-worth to be defined by our physical appearance and it's ability to draw male attention, because despite everything else, one day, our looks will fade and what then?

Women make up the largest proportion of illiterate adults, earn a pittance amount of the world's income, own less than 1% of the world's land, and in many parts of the world have difficulty accessing education and suffer inhumane practices.

In more developed countries, women juggle a career, the domestic workload of being a mother and a wife, and the filial duties of being a daughter. 

In a society where a woman's worth is so much defined in the eyes of others through tradition, societal strata, cultural practices and stereotypes, it seems we have a lot on our plates and a lot of work to do.

So beyond the opinions, validations and affections of others, have you thought about what your true worth as a woman of substance is?

Source: Animal-space.netSo this post is more of a rant than anything. I'm telling you now that you might not agree with what I'm about to say, but all I've got to say is, it has worked for me.

So today I have another girlfriend complain about the 'lousy' guy she dated who disappeared after he slept with her. This hasn't been the first and I doubt it will be the last. And she tells me that with the exception of one of two guys (who are in relationships) all her other single guy friends are like that. As in, sleep with women then disappear, don't call, not honest, or say anything to get women in bed then disappear, bla bla.. basically douchebags. And when I ask her why doesn't she make friends with guys who aren't d-bags, her reply is that, "Aw these guys are ok, I mean, they're ok to me!" And at this, I shake my head...

Before we go on, let me make it clear that I have no problem with having sex. I have no problem with men and women hooking up, sleeping around, having fun, whatever. However, I do however have a problem with douchebags.

Now I know, live and let live and I agree with that. But I refuse to have a d-bag as a friend. Even if he is a stellar guy, super fun and all of that, but not respecting women is a deal breaker for me. 

For the past 6 years I have made choosing friends a very conscious choice and my life has been so much better because of that. I have a few deal breakers and I am very specific.

Some of my deal breakers are, I will not be friends with people who: 

• Do not respect women, men, animals, plants (you don't have to be a hippie, but if you think it is ok to cheat, lie, beat etc etc people, if you think that animals and plants do not deserve respect and care - then you and I will not get along)
• Deliberately bring me down to make themselves feel better, who are constantly negative, or who are 'frenemies'.
• Do not think that growing and learning are constant and that taking responsibility for themselves is normal (again, no one is perfect, but I like people who at least have an idea of this concept and are trying to work towards it)
• Do not have passions and goals (They don't need to be big money related goals, but I love passionate people and I love people who contribute to the world however small) 

I truly believe that you are the sum of your closest friends and if your close friends are not people you respect, then what does that say about you?

The list above applies to people who are close to me. People I'd call friends. People I want to hang out with. People I'd be proud to introduce to other people. Not people who you bump into at a party, or at work, or people who do not make an impact into your life.

So now, back to the point above. Ladies, if you want to attract a stellar man into your life, then stop being friends with douchebags! Stop giving the universe mixed signals. Stop thinking that just because these men do not play around with your feelings it's ok to be friends with them, because they are out there doing it to other women, and you are telling the universe, that you are ok with this behaviour. So the universe sends you the same kind of men over and over.

Far be it for me to offer love advice, but as far as I know from personal experience, excluding d-bags from my life has only let good things in. And of course, there are reformed d-bags and I have some friends now who used to be d-bags prior (I didn't know them then) and good for them! But if they are currently in that d-bag stage of their lives, then walk away. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and most of them are good people. You will find other friends. Trust!

Do you agree with me? Leave me a comment!

Happy Easter weekend! :D

xoxo!

Source: Myessencenw

Someone told me that women are really good at feeling emotions and so when there is any drama in their lives, it is easier for women to handle it. I feel that women do indeed feel a lot of emotions, but many people (I use people and not women because this applies to all) do not know - or at least do not practice - how to identify their emotions.

It's always;

I feel like crap

I'm so angry right now

She/he is making me mad

I am so sad

etc. etc.

There is nothing wrong with this, however when I learnt how to start identifying my emotions, I learnt the cause of the emotion and when I know what is causing it, I could either solve it or work on solving it.

Let me explain, let's say there has been a misunderstanding between friends. Your friend did or didn't do something that has offended you. So the first emotion your feel is anger or annoyance towards your friend. It could stop there and you will continue to feel like your friend has done your wrong and is 'annoying' you OR you could dig a little deeper.

This part doesn't come easy with people. It requires some practice and total honesty with yourself. People usually do not want to dig deeper because that means that they will sometimes have to admit to having emotions that do not fit their idea of who they are.

For instance, let's say your friend was supposed to call you, but hasn't returned your last two calls. You are now annoyed. All these feelings bubble up and you create a situation where she/he is being so rude and insensitive and that she/he thinks they are better than everyone yadda, yadda... 

That may be true BUT you could still benefit from knowing why this is annoying you so much. 

So you ask yourself:

What am I feeling right now?

First up, will be anger and annoyance.

Ask again, what am I feeling right now?

So now perhaps you are paying more attention to your body and other emotions bubble to the surface:

I am feeling indignant. I am feeling ignored.

And keep going..

I am feeling a little bit of shame. I am feeling left out. I am feeling pushed away. 

And finally,

I am feeling forgotten. I am feeling unloved. I am feeling lonely.

Now of course this is just an example. Not everyone will have the same emotions! But now you know what is really bothering you. You can now ask yourself if your friend is really [insert all thoughts that bubbled up before] or are you lashing out on her/him? 

And if you think that they were set out to annoy you, you can ask yourself if you still want to keep their company. 

This little tip has really changed the way I view a lot of things that come up in my life. It has allowed me to take back responsibility for my life instead of giving away my power and allowing others to 'control' me and my emotions!

What about you? Why don't you try this tip and leave me a comment below as to how it went! 

tata,

xxx

Now this is a tricky little endeavour as sugar has insidiously crept over the years into a lot of the things you would consume without giving a second thought to. For instance, I have recently discovered that my soymilk that comes in a box proclaiming it's organic goodness contains high fructose syrup!! (insert look of horror)

Despite people telling me I'm denying myself the simple pleasures of life if I cut out yummy biscuits, cakes and pastas, over the years I've realized that the simple pleasures of life ARE about nourishing my body with good food. When I am mindful about the things I put in my mouth, I feel better and I most definitely look better. I am reminded of this everytime I slip up and indulge in that family sized pizza. There is a devil in me, and it loves cheese:)

Our state of mind is influenced by what we eat, and this affects our attitudes towards our bodies and the people and things around us. This may sound cheesy, but I personally feel that eating locally grown, fresh organic produce is a priviledge that I allow myself to have because I love and value myself.

So anyway, because I found it a bit of a struggle to properly eliminate sugar while maintaining a standard diet, I've been slowly incorporating more raw recipes into my daily meal plans.

And it's been great! I've lost a few pounds, my skin is the best it's ever been without the help of synthetic hormones, and I have heaps more energy. Plus, I have opened up this whole new mouthwatering realm of raw desserts.

Here are a few tips on how to cut out sugar from your diet if you'd like to try it for yourself:

1) If it's white, it's BAD.

So I'm talking no white breads, rices, pastas etc. Instead, think buckwheat noodles, lentils, chickpeas and the lot. So much more nutrient packed than that bowl of white rice! White sugar can be replaced with agave nectar, maple syrup or honey. Trust me, it won't be missed!

2) Spend time reading the stuff written on the boxes your food comes in.

The more time I spend reading ingredients lists, the more determined I am to eat as much unprocessed food as possible. Some of the ingredient's listed read like a meth lab's shopping list and it really freaks me out. As I mentioned earlier, sugar is in almost everything these days, and come disguised with various names. I'm experiencing a brain block and can't think of an example right now, but google it and you'll be surprised with what comes up!

 3) Get to cooking!

The best way to make sure you know whats going in your body is to prepare it yourself. If you can hop on the world wide web and find out home remedies for warts, you can find yourself a nice, yummy, easy to whip up dish.

Here's a little recipe to start you off with, inspired by the gorgeous, eternally young Mimi Kirk's Raw Chocolate Caramel Slice recipe. FYI, she is my inspiration everyday to eat the best I can!

Raw Chocolate Nut Bar

Ingredients:

Chocolate Layer

1 cup cacao powder

1 1/2 cup melted cacao butter

1 teaspoon vanilla extract (NOT essence)

Some stevia/agave to taste

Directions: Melt the cacao butter in a saucepan. In a big bowl, mix together melted cacao butter, cacao powder, vanilla extract and your choice of sweetener to taste. Add in a pinch of sea salt. Pour it into a small baking dish lined with clear wrap and chuck it in your freezer for 10 to 15 mins

Nut Layer

1 cup of almonds

1/2 cup soaked pitted dates

1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut

2 tablespoons melted cacao butter

 Directions: Pulse the almonds and drained dates in a food processor till fine with a little bit of crunchy chunk. In a bowl, mix the almonds, dates, coconut and cacao butter. Make sure it is a little sticky when pressed between your fingers. Spread this mixture on top of you chocolate layer, and chuck it back in the freezer for another 10 to 15 mins.

Before cutting it into slices, remove from freezer and let sit for about 5 to 10 mins (otherwise chocolate layer will crack). Just remove the entire cling wrap from your pan and up end it on a plate and get to slicing and eating!

Obviously my aptitude for food photography is close to nil (should've really wiped the plate down), but they are yummy! Trust!

There is more to sex appeal then just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree, or standing in the rain.

                                                                                                     - Audrey Hepburn

If you were to take a picture of yourself today, right now, you would look at it and most likely have something critical to say about the way you looked.Too fat, a little spotty, my face isn't symmetrical, the curl of my lip makes me look mildly retarded, and why on earth do my nostrils go into a flare everytime I smile?!

Fast forward another 10 years or so, and I promise that when you look at that picture, you'd think you were just so beautiful (skinny, vibrant, happy, etc) back then.

See, I think we've been hard-wired to criticise.

Everyone likes to find something wrong with everyone else, and since the way a person's looks is their first line of defense in the big bad world, it is the first thing that comes under fire.

As much as you and I would like to deny it, it is a rare and beautiful moment when a woman (this doesn't apply to men as they typically abstain from passing cursory remarks about their fellow peers appearances for fear of appearing bro-inclined) concedes that another woman is gorgeous.

Not pretty with fat thighs. Not conventionally beautiful in a way you didn't find particularly attractive. Not really sexy but looking like a difficult woman. Just beautiful.

If we are hard on others, we are even harder on ourselves. The harder we are on others, the harder we are on ourselves.

They say life is a journey. I say for a lot of us, life is a never-ending tiptoe and reach for the perfect physical ideal. We are constantly prepping and polishing ourselves to impenetrable perfection, so a lot of the times, we miss that journey. It passed us by while we were on a diet.

So how do we feel beautiful all day every day without subsisting on a diet of self-loathing?

Here are a few tips from my personal feel hot book:

1) Learn to love that (wo)man in the mirror, faults and all

No one's perfect. Some women are freaks of nature and walk around looking permanently airbrushed and whippet like in all the right places, but even they find fault with themselves.

If our self-love were to be entirely dependent on our perfection, then it would probably end where our bellies begin.

I have a girlfriend who has a freaky looking earlobe. It's two-pronged. I asked her about it one day and she burst out laughing and declared that it was where she housed her camel toe.

I've never given that earlobe a second glance since.

Moral of the story? Learn to love your imperfections, and learn to laugh at yourself. There is nothing more attractive than a woman with a wicked sense of humor.

2) If you have nothing nice to say, plead the fifth!

The words that come out of our mouths are merely an expression of the thoughts that we allow to fester in our minds. By saying what we think out loud, we provide affirmation to these thoughts.

I strongly believe that we criticize in others the things we most loathe in ourselves. In other words, the more catty little remarks we pass about others, the more faults we find with ourselves.

So the next time you find yourself thinking nasty things about someone, stop yourself. Try instead to pick out a positive attribute about that person you're eyeballing, and verbalize that instead.

Importantly, don't forget to do that for yourself next time you look in the mirror.

3) Spend quality time with your mind, body and breath

Beautiful girls are the girls most in tune with themselves.

Through my years of teaching yoga, I've come to learn that most women with body image issues are typically self-conscious, awkward and extremely uncomfortable with the expression of their physical bodies. It's as though their minds are disconnected from their bodies.

Please note that this is not a criticism, merely an observation.

When we spend time focusing our minds inwards towards the sensation of our bodies and breath, we realize the endless capacity of our bodies and begin a relationship with ourselves that transcend the superficial.

It takes quality time spent with your mind, body and breath in order to develop a healthy and harmonious relationship between the three.

It takes time spent with ourselves in reflection and sensation to realize the worth of our bodies beyond what we see in the mirror.

Don't believe me? Pick up yoga, join a dance class, start going for runs or whatever else strikes your fancy and try it!

The way in which a man accepts his faith and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he keeps up his cross, gives him ample opportunity - even under the most difficult circumstances - to add a deeper meaning to his life.

- Viktor E. Frankl

Free falling, that's how it feels like...

See that quote above? Well, that's not me. When faced with adversity I crumbled like a 2 day old cake. I went from being a cheerful, positive, open-minded person to becoming an evil bitch. Yes. Seriously. I didn't like me very much. When I moved to Spain over a year ago I thought I'd rock it! In my (very active) imagination, people would swoon in awe at the awesomeness that is me. Yes, modesty thy name is not Hani.

Of course it was nothing like I dreamt it would be. In fact, it sucked. For me. I didn't speak the language, the culture was so different, I missed my family, friends and lifestyle not to mention the FOOD! And it seemed like everything I had taken for granted back home were just not available as easily here. 

Who was this whiny, complaining, controlling person? I asked myself.

Then I met a someone who told me wisely, "Ah you've been here a year? Don't worry, it'll all get better from here! It takes about a year for you to acclimatize yourself"

What?? I didn't know other people go through this as well! Then I felt ashamed thinking of all the other people who went through this with much more grace than I! 

In hindsight, now that  I am back to awesome (note to self: work on modesty issues) the past year has been such a rewarding, learning experience for me. I've grown so damn much I am energetically bigger than I used to be.

Some of the things I've learnt:

1. When it comes to friends, hold out for the good ones! When in a new place it is tempting to be-friend any one who will speak to you and whilst I encourage meeting as many new people as possible hold out for the great ones to take as BFFs. I cannot stress this enough. It will save you so much headache in the future! It took a while but I finally have a good set of friends who sincerely enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs!
2. Recognize that some of your reactions are from your past. I remember feeling like I had 'regressed' in the way I reacted to certain things. Then it struck me, when faced with situations that my mind classified as 'fear' I would regress to how I would react to things as a child! Things were so foreign to me that it was the only way I knew how to behave. When I realised this, it allowed me to actively choose the way I chose to react.
3. Figure out what you need to 'learn' in your life. It was very hard to give up control on my life and trust someone else to take charge since I had always been a DIY kinda girl back home. So my lesson was to sit back and trust, let go and allow someone else take care of me. It helps to have a bit of a ponder on what exactly you are supposed to learn from all the twists and turns coming your way. The quicker you get it, the better it will be for you!
4. If there is a new language to learn, learn is ASAP!! Learning Spanish opened so many more doors for me and yet in the beginning, it took me forever to decide to take classes! Now not only can I speak to random strangers (which I am wont to do), I can do a lot of things by myself which brings me great joy!! :D Hani is a big girl now!
5. True passion will always remain. I say this because when I was feeling down, I remember thinking, "I don't know what I want to do??!" Even though Filmmaking and performing has been a passion of mine since childhood. But once I overcame, my passion returned without a doubt. So, true passion, will always remain no matter what...
6. Remember point (1) ? Well, if it weren't for my old friend from back home, this experience would've sucked a LOT more. So making good friends goes a loooong way.
7. And finally know that it won't last. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and work on your issues but not be defined by them. At the time I felt like such a failure because I seemed to be the only one who couldn't 'hack' it, but really, it was just my way of working through my 'issues'. Now I can hardly believe I felt that way.

So, these are some of the things I learnt and I keep discovering more and more as I meditate on my life! To be fair it wasn't all bad, I had a lot of great experiences but now.. it's even better :D This article has been highly personal and I thought long and hard about writing it. But what the hell, it's not who you were but who you are now that matters. And who knows, if it helps others going though the same thing, all the better!

Have you moved to a new place? Something been bugging you? Tell me in the comments! Or if you have any tips to share on moving, let me know as well! :D

xoxo!