What defines a woman? What constitutes a woman's worth?
Is it the sum of her tangible accomplishments; education, high-flying career, and serious bankroll?
Is it her ability to 'have it all'; a family, two kids, a dog, the house with the white picket fence and a career?
Are we defined by our families, our capacity to find a suitable mate, or the choices we've made that have ultimately led us to the paths we now walk on?
I've noticed something over the course of my life.
Through the ecstatic heights and devastatings troughs of life, the issues that occupy the majority of a woman's cognitive functioning and emotional energy expenditure typically cover a few things:
(Disclaimer: This is a generalization. However, I'm sure that even if you are reading this and thinking Omg I'm so NOT like that, you are wrong and have done this to some extent at some point in your life)
1. Am I a bad mother?
I am aware that there are lots of people in the world with children who really shouldn't be parents, but there are also a lot of amazing mothers who beat themselves up trying to be the perfect parent. The whole experience of parenthood seems to be washed with the guilt of never having done enough, or right by your child.
Let it be known that I do not have children, but as someone who was raised single-handedly by a very strong-willed Asian mama, I know this:
If you do the best you can, you are a GOOD MOTHER. If you have the capacity to question your parenting, it is likely that you are a good mother. If anybody (and this includes the child you birthed) tells you otherwise they are a dick, because nobody is perfect. Even mother's are allowed to make mistakes and have bad judgement.
2. Why doesn't he love me?
I just realized as I write this that I'm actually really sick of listening to women talk about men. Thats ALL they ever talk about.
We really need to come to the point in our lives where we take a stand, and know as fact that we do NOT need a man to be whole.
I think it takes kissing a few frogs to come to the realization that it's not so bad if relationships end, or if he mysteriously turns cold after you decide to give it up on the third date. It's unpleasant, hard and can be terribly painful, but at the end of the day you have yourself and you are fabulous!
Too many women sell themselves short in order to keep a man in their lives. If you have to cry, beg, threaten, bribe, check his phone and FB messages, and leverage yourself in whatever way possible to be in his life, then he is not worth the time or effort.
I don't know why he doesn't love you, and he probably doesn't either. Just let it go. Love yourself more, put yourself first.
3. How come no one thinks I'm hot?
I have a girlfriend who once told me that she has a shitty night if she goes out to a club and no man checks her out. It makes her wonder what's wrong with her. It makes her feel unattractive and invisible. It both frustrates me, and makes me sad.
Women seem to be tweezing, bleaching, starving, carving and stuffing themselves into a carbon copy of what they think men like to look at. Sure a lot of women do it for self-satisfaction, but I'm pretty sure a lot of women wouldn't be shoving DD bags of silicone under their slit open pectoral muscles should men the world over suddenly declare their undying love for small titties.
Writing this doesn't make me exempt from this behaviour, I like to feel attractive to the opposite sex too. But there must be a line we draw at allowing our self-esteem and self-worth to be defined by our physical appearance and it's ability to draw male attention, because despite everything else, one day, our looks will fade and what then?
Women make up the largest proportion of illiterate adults, earn a pittance amount of the world's income, own less than 1% of the world's land, and in many parts of the world have difficulty accessing education and suffer inhumane practices.
In more developed countries, women juggle a career, the domestic workload of being a mother and a wife, and the filial duties of being a daughter.
In a society where a woman's worth is so much defined in the eyes of others through tradition, societal strata, cultural practices and stereotypes, it seems we have a lot on our plates and a lot of work to do.
So beyond the opinions, validations and affections of others, have you thought about what your true worth as a woman of substance is?