On Love.

Sorry for the long hiatus.

I've been busy moving houses, and though I've been comfortably moved in for about a month now, I only just got my internet connection working.

Your might be wondering why so long? (Or not. I'm going to tell you anyway!)

Well actually I'm not going to go into the boring specifics of it. I'm just going to summarize it as being my beloved boyfriend's fault.

I love him to death, but if the average human being really does use only 10% of their brains, then my darling uses 9% for his music and spreads the other 1% really thin for the boring logistics of daily living.

I won't deny that it can at times be extremely frustrating, but over the course of our relationship I've realized that the things I love most about him aren't just the 'good' things, but also the little random eccentricities and quirks that he has both as my partner and a person.

This got me thinking about how we love in a relationship.

Too often I hear my friends complaining about the things their partner have done/did not do/keeps on doing/will never do, and while I am of course not exempt from this, I do wonder: At what point should we stop complaining and start accepting, or realize it's time to walk away.

Here are a few ways I choose to love.

1. If you love someone, love them at their worst

I don't know if this applies for anyone else. I might be a bit of a weirdo, but I find that the more I adore someone, the more I like their funny bits. Like the soft downy hairs on the small of their back, or that soft little mound of belly fat that seems eternally resistant to the gym– all of the things I would probably have found unattractive had I not known them.

(This of course applies to more than just the physical. I use hairy bits and chubby parts as an example so as to spare you the emotional nitty gritty of all my failed relationships bar the one that seems to be working out just fine)

Everyone has their own demons, their little insecurities and highly annoying habits/ personality traits, and not so attractive bits so if the people who say they love us won't love us just the way we are, then who will?

On that same note..

2. Loving without Fixer-Upping

A lot of people have this idea of what their ideal partners are like, for instance: Soft-spoken, nurturing, considerate, gentle, etc. etc.

They start relationships with their objective judgement clouded by the veil of infatuation, and then realize after a couple of months that instead they've landed themselves with a loud-mouthed, sharp-witted, outgoing wild child who they love, but does not fit in with the aforementioned ideal.

And that's when the fixer-upping starts. Don't talk like that. Don't dress like that. Don't be friends with them. Don't do this. Don't do that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for healthy, constructive criticism and bettering myself within the paradigm of a loving relationship, but I think that we should all be wary of the true motivation for this demand for change (And when I say 'we' it means both the person who wants change in their partner and the person who has to keep up with the demands)

The best way to determine whether you've landed yourself in a fixer-upper relationship, is to ask yourself. Would your momma ever tell you not to (insert fixer-upper request)? Would you ever tell your friend to change (insert request)?

If not, then maybe this person that you are with isn't the one for you. Stop trying to mold that beautiful soul into your ideal, just let them go.

3. If you love someone, love yourself more

No good can come out of a relationship that is birthed from the seeds of loneliness and need. A relationship should be a union between two people to respect, cherish and enjoy each other as individuals. Too often though a relationship ends up becoming a co-dependency, a possession of an individual, and a breeding ground for insecurities.

I've heard people declare their complete and utter devotion, their love without reservations, and perhaps life has had me rearrange my girlish notions of romance a few times over, but I disagree with that.

Love is not meant to hurt, punish, shame or belittle. Yet far too many women are willing to overlook that because of love. No, rather we should declare more often that we love ourselves with complete and utter devotion. I believe that when we love ourselves enough to know when to turn and walk away, is when we are truly ready to love someone else without reservations.

I leave you with this beautiful song by my main man Gil Scott-Heron.

Imagining a life worth living

Afternoon Tea OMNOMNOMNOM!

I write this as I sit in a delightful tea shop in London eating scones and drinking tea. It's been a little over 2 years since I started this blog, 1 year, 7 months since I left Malaysia and 1 year and 5 months since I started living in Spain.

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be an actress and a television presenter and for 12 years I made that a reality. It wasn't always easy but for 5 out of those 12 years I was living professionally as an actress and TV presenter in Malaysia. Then my dream changed. I wanted to direct, to produce and to make films (or rather video). I was fascinated with the internet and wanted to produce videos for the online world. So for the next 2 years I worked for Mindvalley, an online publishing company making videos for the online market. And then I wanted to leave Malaysia, to live and work in a different country. Many different countries if possible, and here I am sitting in a tea shop in London, living in Barcelona, Spain.

Why am I telling you this?

When I started this blog I wanted to share knowledge on how to live a life worth living. I wanted to find other people who were living passionate, purposeful lives and share their stories so that you could do the same. I wanted you to know that it won't be easy and there would be a lot of challenges but the difference between people who do and don't is that people who do, get up and back in the game whenever they fall.

So I was sitting in a tea shop, right!

Another tea shop. I really like scones!Last year I was so caught up with adjusting to a whole new life and culture that I hardly had any time to dream up a new life vision. And sitting here in this charming shop made me realise how much I love this life I have now.

Reading lifestyle design blogs out in the interwebs you'd think that the only life worth having is one where you quit your job, travel to a third world country and blog. 

But that, I'm sure you know is not true. I have met many passionate people who are doing all sorts and living the life of their dreams. Some work for others, and some work for themselves. One is neither better than the other. 

I for one love the hustle and bustle of a big city. I can live on a beach for a few months but that isn't for me. I love working. Yeap you heard right, it would kill me to work only 4 hours a week - of course for me work is doing what I love, so it doesn't feel like work! I love good food and good wine and pretty things. I am not a card carrying backpacker and I must have a functioning, clean toilet. To some that might make me a 'prissy' thing, but honestly I don't care. This is my life worth living. 

Do not be influenced

I guess what I am trying to say is, dream of your life worth living. Don't be shy about it. Just because the trend now is to quit your job and work on a beach, if that doesn't make you passionate go find something that does!

So now, think of your life. Where do you want to be? How is your ideal life? What excuses are you making that stop you from living it? What can you do about this? What kind of people do you want to have in your life? 

Ok, now to the hard part:

What are you doing to get closer to your ideal life?

It's easy to dream, but now it's time to get the courage to live your life. You only live once, you only walk down this road once.. make it count!

xoxo